Closure

If there's one area in life that I find to be troublesome for me I would have to say it would be accepting the fact that sometimes in life there may not ever come closure. Closure is one of those delicate subjects that has exasperated me for years. For me it has mainly been in the form of relationships. I have never had a problem with letting relationships go, but only when I feel totally and completely satisfied with their ending, whether sweet or bitter.

I have two clear memories in my adult life when closure was not a luxury of mine. These instances occurred with two dear friends. Friendships that I held dear; and for no apparent reason (I thought), they just ended. No warning, no nothing. They just died, like back when analog phones were the norm and you would be talking one minute and the next...dial tone. There was no one on the other end for to say, "hey wait!" You were just left to yourself with many unanswered questions.

Because unsolved endings are hard for me to ingest, I've often found myself reaching out to that other person in desperate hopes of a simple explanation, a misunderstanding unwound, or at best, a final goodbye. In these two instances, no such remedy ever came [until many years later]. There was only silent avoidance. I couldn't understand. What had I done? It was literally like night and day. One day all was well; the next, all went away. And how did I handle it? Shear agony.

And therein lies the real problem. I tended to agonize over things I didn't understand nor had the ability to do anything about. I mulled over and over situations in my life that didn't make sense to me even though I knew better. We are told in God's Word to "be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made know to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your heart and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:6-7. That would be too easy, right? Why couldn't I just do what God's Word says? Wouldn't I cause myself much less grief? Of course I would.

​That reminds me of a familiar hymn which echos the lines:
O what peace we often forfeit,
O what needless pain we bear,
All because we do not carry
Everything to God in prayer!

​So I decided some time back to accept the fact that there are going to be situations in life that I will not understand. There will be complex finalities. Mysteries never solved, Relationships will come and relationships will go. Sometimes for the worse. Sometimes for the best. I've realized that some people are great at facing uncomfortable conversations, while others are not. I must admit, there have been times when I have avoided unpleasantries and may have left some soul with an unanswered ending. However, as I learn, grow and mature I try to make my best attempt at finishing what needs to be finished, especially in the way of relationships. And more importantly, I'm learning not to wait too long to handle what may be the inevitable.